Monday, August 4, 2014
I am lost. I am sincerely lost. I am sitting here wondering what even makes me happy anymore? Who am I? Ask me a couple months ago and maybe I could have told you, but now I just have no idea. I don't even know who I am anymore.
All I know is that she makes me happy. Happier than I've ever been.
But aside from that... where did I lose myself? Where in my journey did I forget who I was? Where in my journey did I lose sight of everything I love? When did I stop singing? When did I stop painting? When did I stop running and writing and riding and walking and everything that I loved so much for so long?
Where am I? Where have I gone?
I spend hours every day thinking about the answer to those questions and I really have no idea, I'm lost for words. I can tell you what makes me unhappy, but even some of those things I have grown accustomed to... they don't even bother me like they used to.
So... where do I go from here?
I get like this every August. Every year when all I can think about is my baby... the baby I should have had. I am so resentful.
I get my rag and all I can think of is everything I lost. And I know it's effecting my relationship. I know that there are mood swings... one moment I'm too fucking needy and the next I just don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to hide.
... Where is the bubbly Julianna I used to be?
:(
sigh.
All I know is that she makes me happy. Happier than I've ever been.
But aside from that... where did I lose myself? Where in my journey did I forget who I was? Where in my journey did I lose sight of everything I love? When did I stop singing? When did I stop painting? When did I stop running and writing and riding and walking and everything that I loved so much for so long?
Where am I? Where have I gone?
I spend hours every day thinking about the answer to those questions and I really have no idea, I'm lost for words. I can tell you what makes me unhappy, but even some of those things I have grown accustomed to... they don't even bother me like they used to.
So... where do I go from here?
I get like this every August. Every year when all I can think about is my baby... the baby I should have had. I am so resentful.
I get my rag and all I can think of is everything I lost. And I know it's effecting my relationship. I know that there are mood swings... one moment I'm too fucking needy and the next I just don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to hide.
... Where is the bubbly Julianna I used to be?
:(
sigh.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Hey Fellow Bloggers, I'm back. My last two posts were in November and December and I deleted everything before that. Why, you ask? Clean slate... It's a new year and a new me.
July 23, 2014. What's new with me? Absolutely nothing. HA! As if. I went from finishing my Personal Training Certification and diploma, to working in a gym, to being the assistant to the managing partner in a well-respected law firm, to being a server in a restaurant and perhaps working for a dance school... man, she jumps around a lot, no? :P Story of my life.
On the bright side, this year has been great for one simple reason... I found the one. The perfect, most amazing wonderful person. She is my one and only, folks. I have never met someone so sweet, so caring, so gentle and yet strong, so incredible. She is talented, she is loving... she is everything I could have hoped for. It's strange for me to even believe it as I sit here and re-read what I've been writing. I have no idea how I landed her. She is the embodiment of perfection. My everything.
I could sit here and write about her all day, gush and gush and gush, but I feel like you would all get bored with me. My point is... I am in love, friends! I have said that before, yes. But never, have I ever felt this way. Never have I ever been so head over heels so in love with someone. Let's just hope I don't fuck it up, ya? LOL
For the longest time I thought that I had it all figured out, and that if anything would change I would be devastated. Well, yes. A lot of things hurt. My heart still hurts at times. But, honestly, I have NEVER been happier. My life has definitely changed drastically, but not in a bad way. I said goodbye to a lot of old things, and hello to a brand new life and I am loving every minute of it.
Just goes to show... change CAN be a good thing. Embrace it... you never know when it's the best thing that could have happened to you.
Keep your chin up, friends! You never know when greatness is around the corner. Until we meet again...
Toodaloooo!!
July 23, 2014. What's new with me? Absolutely nothing. HA! As if. I went from finishing my Personal Training Certification and diploma, to working in a gym, to being the assistant to the managing partner in a well-respected law firm, to being a server in a restaurant and perhaps working for a dance school... man, she jumps around a lot, no? :P Story of my life.
On the bright side, this year has been great for one simple reason... I found the one. The perfect, most amazing wonderful person. She is my one and only, folks. I have never met someone so sweet, so caring, so gentle and yet strong, so incredible. She is talented, she is loving... she is everything I could have hoped for. It's strange for me to even believe it as I sit here and re-read what I've been writing. I have no idea how I landed her. She is the embodiment of perfection. My everything.
I could sit here and write about her all day, gush and gush and gush, but I feel like you would all get bored with me. My point is... I am in love, friends! I have said that before, yes. But never, have I ever felt this way. Never have I ever been so head over heels so in love with someone. Let's just hope I don't fuck it up, ya? LOL
For the longest time I thought that I had it all figured out, and that if anything would change I would be devastated. Well, yes. A lot of things hurt. My heart still hurts at times. But, honestly, I have NEVER been happier. My life has definitely changed drastically, but not in a bad way. I said goodbye to a lot of old things, and hello to a brand new life and I am loving every minute of it.
Just goes to show... change CAN be a good thing. Embrace it... you never know when it's the best thing that could have happened to you.
Keep your chin up, friends! You never know when greatness is around the corner. Until we meet again...
Toodaloooo!!
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